


You Drive Me Crazy

by EggMuffin



Series: EggMuffin's FicWriMo [17]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Fast Cars, Harry Eggsy and Merlin are car show presenters, Humor, M/M, also language, features some passionate kissing and innuendos, i mean it's not actually top gear but it's pretty clear after which car show this is modeled, so i guess teen is the right rating, top gear au, yeah i went there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 22:02:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8595505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EggMuffin/pseuds/EggMuffin
Summary: First Gear is the most popular car show on the telly, and its presenters, Harry Hart, James Spencer and Merlin are known for their incredible chemistry. The chemistry gets shaken up a bit after James retires and Eggsy Unwin takes his place.
EggMuffin's FicWriMo #17.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I watched ''The Grand Tour'' yesterday and this happened. Whoops.

‘’Hello and welcome to First Gear!’’ beamed Harry to the cheering audience. It felt exhilarating to be back again, filming the first episode of the new series. In a few months, he’ll be thinking of retiring again, but right now he felt incredible.

Next to him, Merlin was waving to the audience with less enthusiasm, although Harry knew that Merlin was just as thrilled to be back; it was just a part of Merlin’s stage persona. Harry was the gentleman with a dirty mouth and even dirtier driving, Merlin was the sarcastic and sardonic Scotsman with a passion for technical details; they played exaggerated and nearly caricature-like versions of themselves on the screen. The third presenter, James, had retired after the last season and gone on to present his own programme. While Harry was sad to see James go, he wouldn’t want his friend to hold himself back from pursuing happiness. James had been the ever-cheerful petrol head with an almost child-like love of all things motoring. The chemistry between the three of them had been a large contributor towards the show’s popularity and many were worried that without James, the show wouldn’t be as good. But Harry thought that they had found the prefect replacement for James.

‘’Now, as you know, James – the traitor – has left us. The producers did briefly consider not hiring a third presenter, but they quickly agreed that someone would need to keep myself and Braveheart over here in check.’’ Harry flashed a quick smile to Merlin who, true to character, merely grumbled in response. ‘’I think we’ve found the ideal heir to James – everyone, please give a warm welcome to the First Gear’s new presenter – Eggsy Unwin!’’

Eggsy ran out from backstage and jogged up to the centre of the studio, where Harry and Merlin were standing on a slightly elevated stage. He fit into the team seamlessly and was the perfect person to take over from James – he had the same enthusiasm, showed the same unbridled joy when talking about cars or driving, but he brought his own touches to the character; he was young and flirty and a superb driver.

‘’Hi, cheers! I’m thrilled to be here! Thank you, thank you,’’ grinned Eggsy as the applause died down slowly. ‘’Now, I’ve been watching First Gear for as long as I can remember and yeah, I dreamed about presenting it, but I didn’t think that would happen – not yet, anyway, since it seems that there’s a requirement that you have to be old as balls to present this show, yeah?’’ He winked at Harry and Merlin, who looked suitably affronted. ‘’I’m looking forward to winning the challenges, because you two are getting too old to handle anything but Honda Civics.’’

‘’And I’m looking forward to ye crashing into lampposts when ye’re showing off, ye wee eedjit,’’ said Merlin.

It was Eggsy’s turn to look offended and Harry’s cue to introduce the teaser clip of the new series. ‘’I’m _not_ looking forward to working with the two of you this series, but the things one does for a pay check… Now, I think it’s time to have a look at what we’ve got in store for you over the next weeks.’’

The lights in the studio dimmed and the audience turned to the large screens. ‘’Well done,’’ Harry mouthed at Eggsy with a smile and Eggsy winked in response. It was going to be a good series.

\--

Harry had liked Eggsy from day one, but he had fallen in love with the young man somewhere between day 10 and day 14 of filming the European road trip special. Or maybe he had fallen in love long before that and only realised it when they sat on a beach in Italy while the camera crew reviewed the footage from that day.

‘’It’s pretty shit, innit? Being filmed pretty much 24/7?’’ asked Eggsy when Harry took a seat beside him on the sand.

‘’You’ll get used to it,’’ Harry replied. ‘’After we filmed the first travel special, I found myself narrating everything for a few days, because it had become second nature to talk to the camera. I still do that when I’m driving.’’

Eggsy laughed. ‘’Really? You’re driving to the shops and going ‘’Ooh, a bit of understeer in this corner!’’?’’

Harry shrugged and made a sort of a what-can-you-do gesture. ‘’Mind you, I’ve been doing this for years.’’

‘’I know. Been watching since I was… 15? 16? Ten years or something like that.’’

Harry hummed in response. He didn’t really need a reminder of just how large their age difference was, he was keenly aware of it. Eggsy looked stunning in the soft light of the sunset, even if he was visibly tired. Harry could sympathise; filming the travel specials was always exhausting.

‘’Think I’m gonna turn in,’’ said Eggsy and finished the last of his soda, ‘’I’m knackered.’’ He stood up and turned to Harry looking like he was going to say something, but he closed his mouth and offered him a tight-lipped smile. ‘’Night, Harry.’’

‘’Good night, Eggsy.’’ Harry watched as Eggsy wished the crew good night and made his way to the hotel. He stood up only when Eggsy had disappeared into the distance.

‘’Ye’re besotted with the boy,’’ said Merlin when Harry found him milling about his car. ‘’Ye keep looking at him. It’s embarrassing to watch.’’

The trouble with having been friends and colleagues for over a decade was that Harry and Merlin knew each other too well, so it was nearly impossible to hide anything. There was no point in denying it, but Harry didn’t want to talk about it either. ‘’How’s your book coming along?’’ he asked instead.

The look Merlin sent Harry clearly said that he knew exactly what Harry was doing, but that he was willing to play along this time. ‘’Editor’s on my arse because he thinks it’s not ‘’readable’’ enough, whatever the fuck that means.’’

‘’No one gives a shit about torque, Merlin, because no one understands torque.’’

‘’I’m trying to help them understand.’’

‘’They still wouldn’t care. It doesn’t quite have the… excitement, you know?’’

‘’Get fucked, Harry.’’

\--

‘’We could start this series by testing the new Volkswagen or Kia, but where’s the fun in that? Anyone who watches this programme doesn’t actually care about cars, ye lot just want entertainment and excitement,’’ said Merlin as he walked through the audience towards the back of the studio. He came to a stop next to a sleek black supercar. ‘’And what could be more exciting than the McLaren P1.’’

‘’Easy,’’ Eggsy piped up from where he was leaning on an equally sleek model. ‘’The Koeningsegg Agera RS.’’ The audience ooh-ed approvingly.

‘’You’re both, of course, wrong. The single most exciting thing in the room right now is this,’’ said Harry and directed the attention to his car of choice, ‘’the Lamborghini Huracán RWD Coupé.’’ If Harry was completely honest, the most exciting thing in the studio was Eggsy beaming at the car with child-like admiration.

Merlin snorted. ‘’It’s a watered down version of the Huracán, Harry.’’

‘’Yours is an electric toy car that you only chose because you can actually pronounce the name,’’ countered Harry and Eggsy threw his head back in laughter. ‘’I don’t see what you’re laughing about, Eggsy, because – correct me if I’m wrong – yours comes with a seven-figure price tag.’’

‘’Depending on which currency you use, I think all of these come with a seven-figure price tag,’’ countered Eggsy. ‘’Besides, I think there are much more exciting things to talk about than the price. Better yet, why talk when we can just show you?’’

\--

Harry kissed Eggsy fiercely, pressing him against the side of the car. There was something incredibly thrilling about ravishing Eggsy’s mouth and trapping him between Harry’s body and an expensive sports car in a garage where anyone could walk in.

They had been dancing around each other, keeping their teasing light, joking, despite being ready to jump at the slightest indication that the other was serious. Harry had watched Eggsy repair his second-hand Golf shirtless in the South African heat, and seen him handle a 1000 bhp car with the precision of an experienced racing driver, and the attraction he felt for Eggsy grew every day. Every moment had been leading up to this, to the tension reaching its peak.

They’d been coming back from a shoot at the track, having driven fast cars for hours, both sweaty and laughing, the adrenaline still coursing through their systems. Harry couldn’t tell who started it, who kissed whom, but it didn’t really matter.

‘’Fuck, _Harry_ ,’’ Eggsy gasped as Harry kissed and nibbled down his neck, desperate to taste every piece of skin he could reach. ‘’Been wanting this for ages – ‘’

‘’You have no idea,’’ Harry whispered against his skin. Eggsy pressed his hips against Harry’s, grinding his cock against Harry’s groin. It felt incredible, being this close and knowing that he drove Eggsy just as crazy. Still, as exhilarating as this was, the garage wasn’t exactly the best place for this.

‘’We should go somewhere a bit more private,’’ he said, reluctantly pulling away from Eggsy.

‘’Let’s just get in the car,’’ replied Eggsy, skin flushed and mouth slightly open. He looked _mouth-watering_.

Harry pulled Eggsy away from the car and put a hand on his back to guide him towards the car park where Harry’s own car was waiting. ‘’A bed would be so much more comfortable, Eggsy.’’

‘’I can’t wait that long, Harry, _please_ ,’’ said Eggsy and turned around to kiss Harry.

Harry let him, accepting the kiss and pulling Eggsy closer. ‘’I’ll break every speed limit in England to have you in my bed tonight,’’ he said when he pulled away.

Eggsy finally offered him a smile. ‘’That better be a promise.’’

\--

‘’It’s time for news,’’ said Merlin as they took a seat on the studio couch. ‘’And I want to start with the news that Harry Hart was caught speeding while we were away.’’

The audience applauded and whistled, while Harry made a show of hiding his face in his hands.

‘’And how fast was he going, Merlin?’’ asked Eggsy as if he didn’t already know.

‘’Nearly 90 miles per hour, I’m told, Eggsy.’’

The audience broke into applause again.

‘’What do ye have to say for yerself, Harry?’’ asked Merlin when the applause died down. ‘’Why were ye doing 90 on a motorway on yer way to London on a lovely summer night?’’ The truth was that Harry had been driving to Eggsy’s after a long day of filming. Eggsy had been sending him provocative texts and Harry had been reviewing the Mercedes-AMG GT at the time, and the combination of a powerful car and even more powerful desire for Eggsy had made him reckless. But he couldn’t very well actually say all that.

‘’I was feeling… adventurous,’’ he said instead, much to everyone’s amusement.

‘’Well, we all get a wee bit adventurous sometimes, don’t we, Eggsy?’’

Eggsy smirked at Harry, his eyes twinkling with mischief. ‘’We do indeed, Merlin.’’

 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr: [eggmuffinwrites](http://eggmuffinwrites.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Up next: I'm thinking fluff


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